Life Lessons from the Wise House
By Theresa Shay
Recently my husband Glenn and I had the honor and privilege of stepping in to help care for Cypress and Sylvan Wise, the two pre-teen sons of our friend Heather. (For more, read The Yoga of Parenting.) From the powerful experience, I offer three nuggets.
1. Make a beginning. My transition into caregiving was messy. Understand, the boys were great, Heather was helpful, Glenn was calm, the community was supportive, and my plans were solid. Nevertheless, the rhythm and responsibilities stretched me, and my emotions ran high. The solution: keep going with awareness and compassion. Remind yourself that this is new, and you are learning. You can’t focus on the fact that you’ve been thrown. To patiently continue, knowing that familiarity, experience, and time will bring more ease, is to meet life fully. Without question, the second half of our caregiving adventure required much less effort than the first, not because I did anything differently, but because I had the beginning behind me. If you can make a beginning whenever it is called for, no matter how rough it feels, you win. Given the continuous nature of the Flow, something is always beginning, and making the start is what allows the transformation to begin.
2. Be open to welcoming the unexpected. One evening, I announced to Glenn and the boys that I needed to go upstairs to pack for a trip I was taking the next day. Soon I came back down to the kitchen to collect my power cord. On cue, Sylvan popped up from the basement. “Wanna go for a bike ride?” My silent response went like this: Do I want to go for a bike ride? Of course I do not want to go for a bike ride. I am packing, remember? I announced that at dinner, didn’t you guys hear? Why don’t you ask Glenn if he wants to go for a bike ride?
I looked at Glenn, quietly reading by the window, wondering if there might be a miracle, and he’d jump up to accept this invitation and spare me the “no.” Glenn kept reading. I looked at Sylvan, bright-eyed, eager to engage, infinitely excited when I join him for a physical activity. He watched me. I looked at my mind, attached to its habitual righteousness of how “my” evening plans were everyone else’s duty to respect. I faltered.
My heart needed only that tiny opening to leap. “I would love to go bike riding,” I replied. I meant it. Out we went into the evening air with joy. Later, when it was time to finish packing, I had energy and focus to get the job done in half the time I thought it would take, a regular occurrence when I follow the invitations of the Flow.
3. Place no blame. In the first days of trying to figure out my life at the Wise House, from how to work the washing machine to where to find the cumin, I noticed how quickly I would get exasperated. I wanted to blame others for making my challenging situation harder. But blame shuts down the life-energy. I am responsible to observe what I feel. I am responsible for my thoughts. I am responsible to direct my energy. With this knowledge, I can easily accept responsibility for my actions.
Blame erodes the fabric that holds us. In hard situations, especially then, we need each other. Even the tiniest splintering away through resentment and blame adds to the difficulties. Don’t ignore the tiny bubbles of this vibration. Unattended reactions will fester and expand if not met in the moment. Internal acknowledgement may be all that is needed to dissolve a frustration. I was grateful to know how to dig deep, touch my source, and come back to my dear ones softer, gentler, and more honest. The challenges were no one’s fault, myself included. We simply had a big situation to navigate. From my heart, I can say the four of us did a fantastic job helping each other through. These weeks with Cypress and Sylvan were a gift to my life.
The pace and demands of parenting are unparalleled. I see what is asked of you who parent, the utter absorption of the role. I admire you. I thank you. And I am more committed than ever to hold space to nourish you. Even if it’s just by sending you these words, may you be strengthened and sustained by presence as you give yourself to the beautiful work of raising the next generation.
With love and gratitude,
Theresa
Theresa Shay is the founding director of TriYoga of Central Pennsylvania, where she teaches weekly yoga and meditation online and trains others to teach TriYoga®. Each week, she shares wisdom cultivated from decades of TriYoga study and practice.
Learn more about her here. Theresa can be reached at Theresa@PennsylvaniaYoga.com. Find her on Instagram @theresa_of_triyoga for more inspiration and light.